What to Know before you DIY Together

The other day, I was feeling sorry for myself and griping to a close friend about my blogging writers' block. I was sure that I had nothing interesting to write about, nothing beautiful to share with the world, and I was totally discouraged. When she got a chance to respond, she looked at me and said "Why don't you write about your barn?"

I probably looked at her like she had seven eyeballs. At first, I thought she was crazy. But she continued, and after a few more minutes of conversation, I realized she was right.

We are in a weird stage in our home where everything is just starting, so nothing feels complete - and certainly not ready for photography. But we aren't just wallowing around over here - we are working our butts off!

In the (almost) 6 years that my husband and I have been together, we have tackled a lot of projects.

We gutted a bathroom.

We built a patio.

We fixed up a rental house (twice!)

We sold a house.

We built a house.

We flipped a house (I use we loosely, here)

...and now we're building a barn.

At the end of each one, there's this wonderful feeling of accomplishment. I mean, wow! Look at what we did. We did it ourselves and we did it together.

It's funny how looking back on things, you see them through rosy glasses. Don't get me wrong, each of these adventures we had as a couple was fun and exciting. But it was also challenging and daunting and at times, overwhelming.

I've learned that there are a few important questions each couple should ask each other before embarking on any DIY adventure.

1. What is the Deadline?

This might seem like a silly question to start with for a project that you and your partner are doing together for fun. However, if you aren't on the same page on this one, your project will quickly go off the rails. For example: Say you decide to paint your living room a lovely shade of blue just in time for your big 4th of July barbecue. Your husband doesn't know the clock is ticking, and so he decides to also freshen up the baseboards and the window trim while you're at it. At first, it seems completely logical...that is, until it's midnight on July 3rd and you're on your hands and knees filling nail holes in your new baseboard...

You get the picture.

Deadlines are not a bad thing - some people work better with a specific end date in mind. But if the two of you aren't working towards the same deadline, one (or both!) of you is bound to get frustrated. Setting clear expectations at the beginning of a project can help determine priorities and schedule.

2. What is the Budget?

Let's be honest - DIY projects rarely go as planned. So you have to be realistic with your budgets. Whether you are refurbishing an antique dresser or building a brand new home, you need to set a budget together, and plan to have some contingency funds "just in case."

Because - face it - "just in case" is going to happen. And it most likely won't be super fun when it does - it's usually a bump in the road or a full detour that can be discouraging and frustrating. If you and your partner are arguing about how much money to spend on top of it, you're less likely to focus on solving the problem at hand.

3. Set some Boundaries.

Over the years, I've learned to know where my limits are. We all have to set some boundaries for ourselves to ensure we don't go overboard.

Physically, financially and emotionally.

One day, when we were building our home, I got so frustrated with the entire process that I walked out. I literally walked out the door and headed down our driveway. We had been working every weeknight and every weekend to install the wiring in our house. That particular day, I was trying to install a light fixture, but instead it came crashing down to the floor. That was it.

From that day on, we made it a point to take one night off each week. Even though we desperately wanted to finish our house and move in - our sanity and our marriage were just as important.

The point is - know your weaknesses and own them. Don't push yourself too far - physically or emotionally. Remember - these projects are supposed to be fun!

In our house, we live in an ongoing project. It's a constant adventure - sometimes discouraging, but always inspiring. In my opinion - it's one of the best ways we connect with each other.